30 years in

and marriage is wonderful. I now have the best key to a relationship.
 If this is supposed to be the love of your life, filter everything he (she) says through this:
I am the love of their life- would they try to hurt me? if no, then ask them to restate what they've said.
If they used 'hot button' words, let them know that these are words that especially light your short fuse, and to please use other words.  After all, you don't deliberately try to hurt them (I hope), why assume that they are trying to hurt you?
This would probably work for most things people say to us- perhaps what they've said is coming through their cultural/emotional/situational filters, and we need to hunt for the nugget of the statement while sloughing off the husk.  Save a lot of problems, we would. :)